Holier than thou: Thoughts on the festival of colours (?)
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Hello, reader. In all probability, you are a tenthie (wow Saksham, what a prediction!). Also, that means you are preparing (trying to prepare) for your chemistry exam, which the people at CISCE have been kind enough to schedule right after Holi. Some people are already beginning to trace this decision to Mr. Modi's decision of buying Rafale aircraft, and I would not be surprised if Mr. Rahul were to be found sitting on a dharna on Res in the coming days.
So, chances are (again) that most of you are distressed at the loss of the opportunity to celebrate Holi. The present article (?) is an attempt to feed two birds with one scone ( I don't want to kill birds with stones :P) : one, to alleviate your distress and two, to give you some semblance of entertainment in the midst of all the chemistry that has conspired to run riot in your brain.
Holi is (was?) a holy festival. Traditionally, I should have been writing the standard essay on how it is the festival of colours with people sharing sweets and wishes. I would rather die than voice such improbable and fanciful imaginative thoughts. The only colours visible are varying hues of red and green and yellow all mixed in a proportion with water (added according to taste) to produce a ghastly face of bluish-black tinge. Some richer breeds of humans manage to get silvered up, others end up classy - plain black.
Sweets are just concoctions of some refined flour, some vegetable oil pretending to be desi ghee and loads of sugar. These sweets ironically are the cause of bitterness among modern aunties who wield the weapon of "Kanjoos kahi ki! Kam se kam holi pe to acchi mithai khilati! (That miserly b**ch! She could have at least served good quality sweets on Holi!)".
And don't get me started on the wishes. 'Bura na maano holi hai' seems like the new slogan of the irritating kids who feel it is their moral duty to get unsuspecting strangers to make contact with their holy balloons filled with god-knows-what.
Now I'll also not pretend to be one of those pro-flowery holi supporters. Why punish flowers if you can't overcome your incompetence in playing safely?
OOOOH, I almost forgot the mud-slingers. The best of the lot. I can't thank them enough for keeping me down to (and buried in) earth. Mere desh ki mitti. *sniffs*
Maybe this holi, you should stay away from these privileges and play holi with your reactions and chemicals. Use concentrated nitric acid, add it to copper and get brilliant red fumes which are more beautiful than the painted faces around you. Get the flame started and put in some lithium on a platinum loop and get that bright pink colour that all the gulal in the world would fail to replicate. Pass some sulphur dioxide through acidified potassium dichromate and viola! you just changed orange to green! Can the next door pest do that with his "pakka" colours? Puny kid.
Of course, I am not that stupid that I'll hope you people focus more on chem and less on Holi. That would be scandalous. It would be blasphemy of the highest order. And if this would have been Pakistan, I would have been nominated for the Noble Peace Prize.
[Grammar nazis, I deliberately mis-spelt Nobel.]
Instead, I ask you to do something less revolting. Decide. If you have a will power strong enough to resist the temptation, just sit at home and slog on with chem. But if you know you won't be able to do that, just stop fooling yourself and others, go out, play for a couple of hours and then start slogging. Trust me, this would be much more time saving than being physically at the desk while your mind is smearing gulal on your crush's face while he/she acknowledges your existence. Wishful thinking. *smh*
And if you feel offended with my tirade an advice,
BURA NA MAANO HOLI HAI.
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